It seems my balance has been thrown lately, into a roller coaster of extreme highs followed by corkscrew twists and extreme lows. I am not used to functioning in this atmosphere for long durations of time. Not knowing what to do with this ludicrously nauseating feeling, yesterday I decided to simply get off the ride. That may sound a little suicidal, so before we go further, I am not speaking of life's ride... I just mean this particular one that I managed to strap myself into.
Immediately after I managed to get my feet back on solid ground, my head began to spin into a migraine of "what-ifs" and my heart raced at the speed of a hummingbirds. All of this made me feel quite ill, so I retracted into a little shell of silence.
Once the sea-sick feeling began to pass, I started trying to focus on all of the things I do have going on, that are not lacking at all on the "so fuckingbadassery" meter. I am going to Las Vegas in two weeks to see a very dear friend of mine, and celebrate the fact that I finally finished my college degree. Immediately following Las Vegas, I am going to Destin, Florida to spend some much needed down time lounging on a gorgeous white sand beach.
In May, I am going to put an insane amount of effort into a 5k run through mud and obstacles that will no doubt whip my ass like I'm a 300lb couch dweller. I'm going to chance white water rafting for the very first time in my life, checking off one of my higher bucket list items. Then there is June, ahhh sweet June. My month. The month I turn 30 years old. I actually have not begun to plan a moment of my time in June yet, funny how I am.
September I am taking the girls to see Ms. Taylor Swift in Nashville, for their very first concert. Faith has been secretly stalking Taylor Swift for nearly 4 years now, and the surprise of those tickets is a joy that I cannot wait to see light that little face. Then there is October, a trip to Italy with my Grandmother. I bought the plane tickets yesterday. The realization that trip is actually happening has yet to become real to me.
With a calender full of events that will no doubt rock my year into a year that remains etched in my memory for the rest of my life, my heart remains heavy. The ache still ever present. I'm keeping on, keeping on, but even after time continues to go by, I still look for you.