Tonight the heavens have opened up a good old fashioned Southern thunderstorm. The wind is howling, lightning is cracking, thunder is booming, and I feel oh so very small. I had to take Hailey to gymnastics tonight, and driving in this weather frustrates me because it is so hard to see. When we finally got home, I was a nervous wreck.
Standing on the back porch watching the dogs run for a moment, I felt as if there were thousands of eyes on me. People everywhere watching me to see what I was doing. Paranoia set in and I brought the dogs in and locked all the doors. Tucking in the girls, I nearly broke down under the weight of my frustrations.
Now here I sit on my bed, rain beating against my window, and I feel vulnerable. I am always putting up this tough exterior; women are equal to men, I can do anything he can, I am strong and independent, and these are all things I believe. Sitting here right now, they bring me no comfort. I'm just a girl. I am far away from all the people that love me the most.
Tonight is one of those nights that as a kid I would have ran and jumped in bed with my mom and dad, or my brother or sister for that matter just for a companion. Now there are two girls looking to me for that serenity, that protection from the scary rain sounds. Tonight, I wish I had the Xanax. ;(