Mom...Mama, Mother, Mommy.... to you

Today I planted roses, tomatoes, blueberries, and blackberries... I watered, and fed... and prayed over my little plants hoping that they will grow into fruit producing giants :) You know... kind of like my mom did me as I grew.

My mom is without a doubt my very best friend. She knows KNOWS me... inside and out, and still loves me to pieces... not an easy thing to do I assure you. Not only that, my mom... well she didn't just raise me, feed me etc.... she put in the time... she asked all the questions, had all the talks, worried, cried with me, got mad with me, stood beside me, behind me, and when I was falling... under me to ease the crash.

My mom made me believe that as a woman... my possibilities are endless. She instilled value in me, for myself... to make sure that I didn't let people trod across me. She painted pictures across my mind of open fields full of golden wheat and soft sunsets when as I child I woke to terrifying dreams. She told stories, took me camping, taught me to ride a bike, belly dance, bandaged skinned knees, and eased broken hearts. She was amazing to me, as a child..... but now?

Now my mom listens to me, she cheers for me, coaches me, and takes the time to know me.... really know me. I don't know where I would be without her as a sounding board in my life. Mother's Day will never pass by without her knowing exactly what she means to me, even though words seem to small a vessel.

So this year, as in all years past... and all to come... I wish you a very Happy Mother's Day mom... thank you, for being you.

State of Mind

Wowza.... yep... that's how I am starting this thing off tonight.

I am having the best week I have had in.... mmmm let's just go with awhile.... yep, that's a fair assessment. Las Vegas was.... fantastic (ahhh that looks like such a small word). The lights, the sounds, the company, the food... all off the chart as far as describable goes, so I won't attempt to, but I will tell you that it was exactly what I needed. Maybe what I have needed for some time. I feel like me....myself... I...!!!! I was blown away with the amount of detail in everything there...definitely going to visit again.

In addition, there has seemed to be a great soundtrack rolling along with me, since about Saturday, that hasn't paused or missed a beat. It's rolled from rock, pop, rap, country... into trance several times... and let me tell you.... the trance was mmmm the best ever. ;)

When I left Vegas, I left a little heavy hearted, seemed I wouldn't be ready to get back to the real world, but I was pleasantly surprised. Getting back to Florida, I was tackled by my girls at the security gate, they really missed me.  We did dinner with family, and then spent today laying on the beach. Not just any beach mind you... but THE beach. White sand, emerald water, and my butt parked there on the sand soaking up the rays. Just how I love it. Driving around today, I was greeted with that familiarity of being home, that you cannot replace with anything else. My heart was happy. Windows down, 99 Rock blaring, hair blowing, and sunglasses on... you really cannot ask for much more.

The way I am feeling lately, is on a healing path. I am crazy about my life... my family.... and my friends, and I really am quite content.

Plus I got to spend some time with my camera, always a perk.... check it!

This is looking out from the Venetian... one of my favorites that I got to tour....

Yep, Paris baby....

This is actually right before I left, at my house...

The water today was COLD!!!

I told you it was cold :)

Something goes here about toes...water... and sand...

Hailey was building a sand castle...

Okay, you have to blow this pic up and check it out... maybe one of the best I've ever taken.

Yep, home sweet home.

The end :) (for now)

Unleashed

It seems my balance has been thrown lately, into a roller coaster of extreme highs followed by corkscrew twists and extreme lows. I am not used to functioning in this atmosphere for long durations of time. Not knowing what to do with this ludicrously nauseating feeling, yesterday I decided to simply get off the ride. That may sound a little suicidal, so before we go further, I am not speaking of life's ride... I just mean this particular one that I managed to strap myself into.

Immediately after I managed to get my feet back on solid ground, my head began to spin into a migraine of "what-ifs" and my heart raced at the speed of a hummingbirds. All of this made me feel quite ill, so I retracted into a little shell of silence.

Once the sea-sick feeling began to pass, I started trying to focus on all of the things I do have going on, that are not lacking at all on the "so fuckingbadassery" meter. I am going to Las Vegas in two weeks to see a very dear friend of mine, and celebrate the fact that I finally finished my college degree. Immediately following Las Vegas, I am going to Destin, Florida to spend some much needed down time lounging on a gorgeous white sand beach.

In May, I am going to put an insane amount of effort into a 5k run through mud and obstacles that will no doubt whip my ass like I'm a 300lb couch dweller. I'm going to chance white water rafting for the very first time in my life, checking off one of my higher bucket list items. Then there is June, ahhh sweet June. My month. The month I turn 30 years old. I actually have not begun to plan a moment of my time in June yet, funny how I am.

September I am taking the girls to see Ms. Taylor Swift in Nashville, for their very first concert. Faith has been secretly stalking Taylor Swift for nearly 4 years now, and the surprise of those tickets is a joy that I cannot wait to see light that little face. Then there is October, a trip to Italy with my Grandmother. I bought the plane tickets yesterday. The realization that trip is actually happening has yet to become real to me.

With a calender full of events that will no doubt rock my year into a year that remains etched in my memory for the rest of my life, my heart remains heavy. The ache still ever present. I'm keeping on, keeping on, but even after time continues to go by, I still look for you.